Are you a stepmom? Maybe your spouse is a stepmom to your children or you know someone who is a stepmom. Holidays are often challenging for blended families and Mother’s Day is one holiday that may trigger sadness for stepmoms. And, children and grandparents may find this day uncomfortable.
Although I’m not a stepmom, I appreciate and acknowledge stepmoms. My kids, who are adult now, had a stepmom growing up. Their stepmom didn’t have any children of her own. My kids were her children which really irked me. My son said to me one day, “Mom why do you hate “Name” so much? I thought about his question for a while. I realized that my personal feelings about his dad and the hurt from the past had gotten in the way of me being grateful for the woman that was helping to raise our children. I asked myself, “What am I grateful for about this woman that is helping to raise our children?” So, I made a list. I wrote down everything I could think of that I was grateful for about her.
I’m grateful that she takes the children to school and picks them up. I’m grateful she disciplines them when they need to be corrected. I’m grateful she makes them meals. I’m grateful she takes them shopping to buy school supplies and clothes (this one was difficult for me because I was jealous that she had the money to take our kids shopping and buy them things that I couldn’t afford to buy them). I’m grateful she helps them with their school work and supports them in their extracurricular activities; basketball, motorcycle races, singing, school plays, etc. I then decided to act on my gratitude. So, I bought her a candle (I knew she was into candles). I put it in a cute bag (moms/stepmoms, you know us woman like cute bags and tissue paper) and I bought a nice card. Inside the card, I simply wrote, “Thank you for being a “mom” to our kids.” That was it. I handed it to her during our exchange of kids. A week later, I received a Thank You card from her that said, “Thank you for the candle and card. It meant a lot to me. I know how difficult it must have been for you to do that.” Our relationship transformed after that. It wasn’t perfect but there seemed to be a shift in our attitudes towards one another and a mutual respect.
So, do you think stepmoms should be acknowledged on Mothers Day? (You can reply below) I do. I learned that no matter how much I thought my kid’s stepmom was evil and vindictive, I found several things to be grateful for about her, and it changed our relationship for the better just a little.
If your kids have a stepmom or your wife is a stepmom or you’re a grandparent whose grandchildren have a stepmom, or maybe you are the stepmom and you can’t stand the biological child/ children’s mother, I invite you to find things to be grateful for that they do for the children you both love and are raising together.
Blessings to you Mothers and Stepmoms on Mothers Day.
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